Monday, September 5, 2011

More Passive Aggressive Crap From Mr. B


I used to have 2 beautiful Rottweiler dogs. Their names were Lady and Harley. Lady died of old age on November 18, 2009. She was 13 years old, which is ancient for a Rottweiler. Harley died suddenly and somewhat mysteriously on August 24, 2010. He was only 9 years old and very healthy. Both dogs are buried in our backyard.

When Harley was a young dog, he’d love to try to escape from our backyard (which is fully fenced). I purchased a large dog enclosure for him to play safely in when I was inside. I only had to use it the first year because he settled down as he got older.

After Harley died, Mr. B wanted to cut down the kennel and throw it away. He had already chopped up the dog house before Harley’s body was even cold! I didn’t want to get rid of the kennel because it’s nice and I definitely want to get another dog. Of course, Mr. B said, “No more dogs EVER.” 

An argument began. His point, “Why keep a dog pen when we don’t have a dog and you aren’t getting another one?” My point, “I want another dog and there is no reason not to keep it for now.” After all, our yard is large and there is nothing back there. No vegetable garden, no swimming pool. Space isn’t an issue. After a while, he stopped saying anything about it.

Today is Labor Day. It’s cool and cloudy. I love it when it starts to feel like Autumn is coming. I decided to go outside and sit in the yard for a while. When I go into the yard, I see this nice sight:

Dog Kennel Collapse

Mr.B has decided that if I won’t let the dog kennel be removed, he will destroy it instead by throwing a large heavy ladder on top of it. The top of it is all collapsed and ruined now. Is there no end to his passive aggressive bull crap? He just loves to play these games.

How would he like it if I did this crap to his belongings? It’s just never going to end with Mr. B. I have to figure out an escape plan soon.




Jeepers Creepers, Where’d You Get That Crime Scene Car?


A lesson for girls about relationships: Never marry a man who believes it is better to save money than make money. I'm not talking about a frugal person who is saving for a goal. I'm talking about men who are recklessly cheap. A recklessly cheap man is usually only cheap with his wife and children. Being cheap with his family allows him to spend more money on his own needs. He can also work less hours and enjoy more television.

My youngest child, Jason, is planning on getting his driver's license soon. He's already passed his test for a New York State Learner's Permit. Soon, I'll be trying to help him find a safe car to drive. He has almost $2500 saved in his bank account from his birthday, holiday and allowance money. He’s been saving for a car for three years.

Mr. B comes home and mentions that there is a very nice car available where he works. It was owned by an old lady (who hardly ever drove it, of course) and it only has 34,000 miles on it. He said it was an older car in good condition, but he didn't know the year. Mr. B’s boss owns the car now because the woman didn’t want to pay for any more repairs and told him to junk it. His boss, J, said that he wanted $500 for it. Right away, I was a little suspicious. Mr. B's boss is a real expert at maximizing profit. I had doubts that he'd sell a $2000 car for $500. Still, I felt that we had to investigate the car. I didn't want to let my suspicions cost my son a car that Mr. B proclaimed "the deal of the century." Mr. B said the car had passed its inspection, so I had a smidgeon of hope.

We drive to the shop and there sits the pitiful car, a 1996 Mazda Protégé. It was a tiny dark blue car with massive amounts of rust. It was in absolutely horrible condition. If there was ever a clunker that needed to be junked, it was this one. I almost wanted to scream out loud, but I wasn't up for a night of fighting with Mr. B. Mr. B was acting like the car was a rare jewel or something. Jason and I were stunned; we're literally standing there with our jaws hanging open, unable to speak. All we could do is stare at this abomination of a vehicle in stunned silence.

We get up close to the car and can see it's been in multiple collisions. The driver's side door is crushed in from being broad-sided. The front bumper has many yellow paint stains and deep gouges on it. There were dents and dings all over the car's body. The interior was covered with what appeared to be blood stains. When Jason asked Mr. B if they were blood spatters, he said, "No, it's makeup." Right. Mr. B thinks everyone else is stupid. I think this car may actually have been a bloody crime scene. If this beaten up and worn out car had only 34,000 miles on it, I'll be a monkey's uncle. I think it may have actually had 334,000 miles on it.

Mr. B, proud as a peacock, instructed Jason to sit in the car. Jason was apprehensive, but didn't want a beating. He got into the death car. Fortunately for us, Jason is very tall. His head was up to the car's ceiling. He was able to say truthfully, "This car is too small for me." Mr. B was disappointed. And why wouldn't he be? What father wouldn't be proud to see his only son driving around in a car like this? On the drive home, Mr. B lamented, "What a shame. You'll never be able to find a car deal like that again." Jesus, I hope not.

When we got home, Jason and I discussed Mr. B's depravity at great length. Jason said that if he had a choice between that Mazda and the Creeper's B Eating U vehicle from the horror movie, Jeepers Creepers, he'd definitely take the B Eating U vehicle. Jason couldn't believe that his father has so little regard for him that he thought this car would be appropriate. I told Jason that someday he'll be taking his oldest child car shopping and he'll have a good story to tell him or her. I guess this is one of these things that you'll look back on and laugh about eventually.

This was some seriously passive aggressive behavior. Mr. B wanted to let our son know that that this pathetic car was all he deserved. You'd think I would learn my lesson after 20 years of psycho behavior. Needless to say, we will not be looking at any more cars with Mr. B. I guess I don’t understand why a father wouldn’t want to see his only child driving a safe car.

Living With a Dangerous and Passive Aggressive Man


What exactly is a dangerous man? A man doesn’t have to engage in physical violence to be dangerous. A man is dangerous if he is harming your physical, emotional, spiritual or mental well-being. Long term emotional and verbal abuse can murder your soul. Verbal and mental abuse in marriage can suck the life right out of you. You will eventually become an empty husk; your spirit will be crushed by prolonged domestic abuse. If you don’t get out before this happens, you can look forward to years of therapy. You may think you love your man. You may think you can change him. But please take my advice: Don’t try to save your relationship if you are being treated cruelty; just RUN as fast as you can before it’s too late. Domestic abuse is hell on earth.

The husband (or wife) engages in passive-aggressive behavior in many abusive marriages. He will do little things to chip away at your sanity and well-being. A controlling husband can torment you in some very clever and non-obvious ways. He’ll have you questioning your own sanity by the time he’s through. Your health will fail and you’ll fall into a dark and hopeless depression. You’ll lose your will to live. You’ll need to be able to identify what passive aggressive behavior is.

Here are a few of the cunning ways that my husband, Mr. B, engages in passive-aggressive behavior:

1. The little things can cause a lot of psychological suffering and torture. Such as when Mr.B uses my toothbrush. When I wake up, my toothbrush is often laying on the counter and wet. Doesn’t he notice that it’s a pink toothbrush? Who does things like that? He also will take my pillows and blankets and use them himself so I don’t have any. He’ll delete my programs on the DVR to make room for more of his.

2. Purposely not carrying money or a cell phone with him so I cannot call him or ask him to pick up something

3.Never remembering my birthday or anniversary. When I confront him, he says, “You know I have a bad memory!” However, I notice that he usually remembers everything else.

4.Purposely doing dirty things that he knows will drive me crazy because I’m a germ phobic. Once I woke up and found a dead rodent in a trap on my kitchen counter. He had placed some traps in the back yard. While I stared at the dead rodent in horror, he happily exclaimed, “Look! I killed one! I brought it inside to show you!” Another time, his brother was in the hospital. The swine flu was going around.  When he came home, he didn’t change his clothes or even wash his hands. I said, “B, aren’t you going to wash your hands?” He said, “I’m supposed to wash my hands after I go to the hospital?” He refuses to engage in even the most basic hygiene. He’ll touch a garbage can covered with maggots or a dead animal and won’t wash his hands before he opens the refrigerator. If a pandemic ever goes around, I’ll be doomed.

5.If he knows I want something, he’ll make sure it never happens. Ten years ago, we took a trip to Las Vegas. I looked out the window, taking in the beauty of the Las Vegas strip. I said, “I can’t wait to come back.” Mr. B growled ominously, “You’ll never come back here.” And he made sure that I never did!

6.Mr. B has always used sex as a weapon. If he suspected I wanted sex that night, he’d make sure I didn’t get it. One night, early on in our relationship, I was frustrated by his lack of sexual attention and I snapped, “Fine, I’m not in the mood anymore anyway.” Mr. B, always eager to screw with me, leaned over and gave me a very passionate kiss. He said, “I could get you in the mood.”  He continued engaging me in foreplay until I was back in the mood. Then he rolled over and said, “Good night,” without following up with sexual relations. He slept like a baby that night knowing I was upset and sexually frustrated. Finally, right after he talked me into purchasing an expensive truck, the sex stopped forever. It’s been almost 8 years since we’ve had sex. With my other relationships, sex was never an issue or a bargaining chip. Before I met Mr. B, I just assumed that all men wanted sex all of the time. I didn’t even know that there was such a thing as a sexless marriage. I had a rude awakening.

I could go on and on, but I’ve heard that blog posts shouldn’t be too long. I’d probably never stop writing if I tried to catalog all of Mr. B’s crimes against me.

A year of this behavior would be hellish enough; can you imagine dealing with this type of craziness every day for 20 years? I hope that someone reads this and can save themselves from a marriage of domestic abuse. Please don’t spend all of your good years living with a monster who enjoys making your life a living hell.

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

4 Hour Work Week, SEO and EBooks


I decided to slink back to the Warrior Forum. I thought about it and I’m not going to let some invisible grumpy pooper from Canada scare me away. It appears that many of the members there are making money. Then there’s some people who aren’t making any money. I stayed there all day and read about all sorts of opportunities.

What amazes me is how many different ways there are to make money online. One guy is advertising in his signature on the Warrior Forums that he will write and research a 20,000 word ebook for only $1500.00. I wonder how often he gets an order. That seems like something I’d like to do. I think it would be fun to write an ebook and sell it online. Or write one for someone else. It wouldn’t be too hard to write 1000 words a day. A good ebook could be written in less than a month.

I’m not sure if it’s better to write a bunch of smaller articles or to concentrate on a larger project like an ebook or Kindle book. I guess I should start small for now and work my way up.

I ordered a few books from the library that I thought would be helpful. One of them is The 4-Hour Work Week by Tim Ferris. Just flipping through it, I can see it has a lot of useful information and tips about personal productivity, online marketing and life management.

I also got the Yahoo Style Guide. It has great advice for people who want to write for the web. I have good writing skills, but I’ve already learned some new tricks just skimming through it. It has a chapter on SEO writing. I’ve read that you have to be good at SEO if you want to be a successful online writer.

It’s all a bit complicated. When I read the forums, I’m still not sure about all the lingo. I don’t know what backlinks or meta tags are. I may have to get one of those “Internet Marketing for Complete Idiots” books.

Thankfully, I didn’t see any more awful worms today.

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Scolded at The Warrior Forum


I finally managed to get on the Warrior Internet Marketing Forums today when the electricity came back on. I decided to make some forum friends by trying to be helpful to other members. The Warrior Forum has a special bonus paid membership forum called The War Room that is supposed to be very helpful for people wanting to earn money. It costs $37 for a lifetime membership and members report that it is well worth it.  I didn’t want to join The War Room as a stranger, so I went to the regular forums first.

I saw a thread that was titled, “So Lame...” The poster was having some trouble making money online and was upset that he spent all of his available cash. He said that he didn’t even have enough money to buy his daughter a birthday present for her first birthday. I felt sad for him, so I answered his post. I asked him if he knew how to write well. I thought it may be a good idea for him to write some articles to make some money. From my limited research, writing seems to be the best way to start out if you don’t have any money to invest. You don’t need any cash to begin to write. I posted my suggestion and some mean forum member from Canada flames me! He told me that my advice was lame and the last thing the Warrior Forum needed was more lame writers. And then, to make me feel even worse, another forum member named thanked him for his “very helpful post.” It’s helpful to yell at a new forum member who was trying to help another member? Sigh…

I don’t understand why forum owners allow older members to be so nasty to the new people. He could probably tell that I was new by my low post count. He could have just ignored my post if he didn’t like it.  He could have been nice, but he chose not to be.

Now I’m not sure that I want to go back there or join The War Room. My feelings are hurt. I should just ignore it, but I can’t. Maybe I’m too sensitive, but I burst into tears when I read his post. I really need to toughen up. I need to find a place to learn that is friendlier. I may continue to read The Warrior Forum, but I don’t think I’m going to be posting again for a while.

I decided to explore another forum called Work At Home Mom.  Their forums are located at I signed up for a user account and checked out their sub-forum about blogging. I found some good tips right away that I’m going to explore in the next few days. Members seemed helpful and friendly.

On an exciting note, my blog made 2 cents today. I didn’t think that anyone would find me yet, but a few people did. The stats said that I had 37 page views. I’m not sure how I feel about this. I want people to read my blog, but I’m also embarrassed of my “loser rants.”

The Grass is Always Greener


I’m not getting too much accomplished today. I had planned to research some more business opportunities and maybe even post a gig on today. However, as usual, my day took a tragic turn. I took a shower, combed my hair and sprang into action. I booted up my computer, sat down at the kitchen table and proceeded to load some business websites. As I looked towards the wall, hoping for inspiration, I saw something else. Something sinister. A worm! A horrible ugly worm was inching up the kitchen wall behind the table. It was the larvae of the Indian Meal moth (or pantry moth). A few years ago, we unknowingly brought home some infested rice from the store and tossed it into the pantry. A few months later, the pantry had 1000’s of worms in it!  I cleaned everything out and thought the problem was taken care of. Until today, at least. I frantically checked the cupboards and pantry out with a flashlight. I didn’t see anymore worms and hopefully, I won’t. The last time, these things just appeared overnight, so I’ll be on “worm patrol” for the next few weeks.  

I settled down at my computer again and the electricity went out. My first thought was that I may had forgotten to pay the electric bill, but then I saw my neighbors outside looking bewildered. I’m not sure why the power went out; it’s a beautiful and sunny New York day. We weren’t affected by Hurricane Irene. It’s been off about 2 hours now and I still have about an hour left on my laptop battery, so I decided to do a blog posting. I really want to stay on top of my blog postings.

What I got accomplished today: Nothing!

So, I guess I will blog about my awful marital relationship again. It does make me feel better to blog about Mr. B. I hoping that I’ll meet some caring readers who can offer me advice, help, encouragement, sympathy or kind thoughts.

I enjoy watching celebrities interact in their marriages on reality television programs. I watched the last season of Gene Simmon’s Family Jewels with great interest. I’m not sure how it actually feels to be Shannon Tweed, but from an outsider looking in, it sure doesn’t look so bad. Shannon Tweed is in a long term relationship (20+ years) with Gene Simmons of the rock band, KISS. Gene Simmons doesn’t believe in marriage and Shannon Tweed has no ring.  They have two older children, Nick Tweed-Simmons and Sophie Tweed-Simmons. Gene Simmons has a wandering eye. This bothers Shannon, and she finally leaves him after seeing a picture of him (behaving badly) posted on the celebrity gossip website, TMZ. Shannon just can’t take his whore-mongering anymore. To Gene’s credit, he does propose to Shannon in the season finale of Family Jewels. I wonder if she will say yes. I think she should. A girl could do a lot worse than Gene Simmons, that’s for sure.

However, the relationship has provided some perks for Shannon Tweed. Her children were raised in luxury, never wanting for anything. She lives in a big and beautiful house. She has everything that money can buy. She can travel whenever or wherever she likes. It looks like Gene spends a lot of time away on tour, so she can enjoy some personal time for herself. Even though Gene may be emotionally neglectful, she has received benefits from the relationship.

Another couple that I watch regularly is Teresa and Joe Giudice, of The Real Housewives of New Jersey. Joe Giudice can be a real grouch, but he’s got that sexy, Tony Soprano alpha-male thing going on. He doesn’t seem to work much, yet he always has a lot of money. He deliberately tries to sabotage Teresa’s relationship with her brother. He often embarrasses Teresa at family functions or refuses to go at all. His business dealings have recently forced the family into bankruptcy. However, Teresa mentioned in an earlier season that they have a real good sex life. Even though Joe is legally broker than broke, they live in a gorgeous mansion in New Jersey. There still appears to be plenty of cash for clothes and high living. If this is bankruptcy, where do I sign up?

I guess my point is: In every marriage or relationship, there has to be some good with the bad. Teresa Giudice gives Joe Giudice a pass for his caveman-like behavior because he provides her with great sex and a luxurious lifestyle. Shannon Tweed put up with Gene Simmon’s philandering because he’s a wonderful father and an excellent provider. Oh, and these women probably love their men and hope they’ll mend their ways eventually. I doubt anyone has a marriage that provides them with everything they need.

But what if your marriage has plenty of bad and none of the good? Yep, I’m talking about my marriage. I sat down earlier with a piece of paper folded in half. I put “Good” on one side and “Bad” on the other. After a half hour, I needed a second sheet of paper for all of the “Bad” stuff, but I couldn’t find anything to put under “Good.” I deal with all of Mr. B’s psycho crap and mental abuse, without none of the perks. Heck, I don’t even have air conditioning in my 900 square foot hovel. Finally, I found one “Good” thing to write: At least he doesn’t beat me.

Shannon and Teresa, your partner may be a cheat or a crab, but at least he isn’t Mr. B. Gene and Joe are knights in shining armor compared to my husband.

Monday, August 29, 2011

Researching Business Ideas


Today was the first day of my self-improvement journey. I decided to spend it investigating some work-at-home opportunities. Working at home would be ideal for me right now as I really have no way to get to a regular job. It’s hard enough for me to get a ride to the grocery store. I don’t live close to a bus line either. It would be great if I did. I used to love to take the bus downtown when I was younger. Downtown is also where the good jobs are. If I could learn to drive, this wouldn’t be a problem. There is also the matter of my creepy skin condition. This may make employers less likely to hire me because they’ll think I have something contagious. My panic disorder and anxiety don’t help either. Okay, so for a lot of reasons, I really should try to find a way to work at home.

What kind of skills do I have? I’m a good writer. I have good grammar skills. I’m good at spelling. I get good grades at college. I can type really fast, about 90 wpm. I know how to use many computer programs such as Microsoft Office Suite. I even took a class to learn Microsoft PowerPoint and Excel. That’s all I can really think of at the moment.

First, I visited Warrior Forums. This is a big and busy forum where internet marketers hang out and brainstorm money-making ideas. There was so much information on this site that I thought my brain would explode. I found a thread where they were discussing the best free software programs. I am not organized at all (to say the least) so I thought I should try a few of the personal productivity software programs they mentioned. I downloaded XMind and Evernote.

Xmind is a mind mapping program. I thought mind mapping may help me organize my goals and thoughts. I was very pleased with Xmind and spent over an hour playing with it. I made a mind map and it really did seem to help bring out some repressed creativity. I like how I could have it open on the bottom of my computer screen and click up the map in an instant. If I saw a good idea online, I could quickly add it to my map instead of forgetting it or having to grab a notebook.

Evernote is a program that helps you organize your notes, recipes, lists etc. I have a real paper clutter problem. I am always losing important paperwork because I have too much of it. I’ll jot a recipe on a piece of paper and never find it again. Slips of paper with phone numbers and addresses on them just disappear into my abyss of disorganization. I haven’t tried Evernote yet, but it’s downloaded on my computer and ready to go for future use.

Next, I stumbled across an amazing website called Fiverr. The basic premise of the site is that you buy or sell a job for 5 bucks. The job is called a “Gig.” I’ll admit that I wasted almost 2 hours reading the entertaining gigs that people were proposing. People were offering everything from $5 articles to witchcraft spells! Hmmm, maybe I can buy a spell to turn Mr. B into a toad! Some of the gigs were very funny. I signed up, but I’m not sure what kind of a gig I’ll post. I’ll have to think about this for a little while. You actually only get paid $4.00 per gig because Fiverr takes a 20% cut. Many people really offered unique and useful services. It looks like a fun place to make some money, but you’d have to have a steady stream of gigs to make a decent wage. Some members of the forum mentioned that they’ve had gigs up for 6 months and haven’t sold one. I guess the competition is pretty tough. I’m planning on trying it though. You could easily spend all day there; I had to force myself to stop browsing the gigs!

I felt a little better after reading the forums. It was nice seeing that so many people are making a nice income working at home. It gives me some hope that I’ll be able to do it too.

From what I’ve researched so far, it appears that internet marketers are making money from writing ebooks and putting up websites with affiliate links. I added some Adsense links to my blog. You have to have tons of traffic to make any money with affiliate links and I don’t have any traffic yet. Other people on the forums sell their writing talent to marketers who need content for their website. I may try doing that; the pay isn’t too great, but it adds up.

So, I’ve got some ideas to contemplate and some new software to work with. I’ll go to sleep dreaming of gigs and mind mapping. I’m going to spend some more time reading the forums tomorrow and see if I can come up with a list of achievable ways for me to make money.