Living With a Dangerous and Passive Aggressive Man

 

What exactly is a dangerous man? A man doesn’t have to engage in physical violence to be dangerous. A man is dangerous if he is harming your physical, emotional, spiritual or mental well-being. Long term emotional and verbal abuse can murder your soul. Verbal and mental abuse in marriage can suck the life right out of you. You will eventually become an empty husk; your spirit will be crushed by prolonged domestic abuse. If you don’t get out before this happens, you can look forward to years of therapy. You may think you love your man. You may think you can change him. But please take my advice: Don’t try to save your relationship if you are being treated cruelty; just RUN as fast as you can before it’s too late. Domestic abuse is hell on earth.

The husband (or wife) engages in passive-aggressive behavior in many abusive marriages. He will do little things to chip away at your sanity and well-being. A controlling husband can torment you in some very clever and non-obvious ways. He’ll have you questioning your own sanity by the time he’s through. Your health will fail and you’ll fall into a dark and hopeless depression. You’ll lose your will to live. You’ll need to be able to identify what passive aggressive behavior is.

Here are a few of the cunning ways that my husband, Mr. B, engages in passive-aggressive behavior:

1. The little things can cause a lot of psychological suffering and torture. Such as when Mr.B uses my toothbrush. When I wake up, my toothbrush is often laying on the counter and wet. Doesn’t he notice that it’s a pink toothbrush? Who does things like that? He also will take my pillows and blankets and use them himself so I don’t have any. He’ll delete my programs on the DVR to make room for more of his.

2. Purposely not carrying money or a cell phone with him so I cannot call him or ask him to pick up something

3.Never remembering my birthday or anniversary. When I confront him, he says, “You know I have a bad memory!” However, I notice that he usually remembers everything else.

4.Purposely doing dirty things that he knows will drive me crazy because I’m a germ phobic. Once I woke up and found a dead rodent in a trap on my kitchen counter. He had placed some traps in the back yard. While I stared at the dead rodent in horror, he happily exclaimed, “Look! I killed one! I brought it inside to show you!” Another time, his brother was in the hospital. The swine flu was going around.  When he came home, he didn’t change his clothes or even wash his hands. I said, “B, aren’t you going to wash your hands?” He said, “I’m supposed to wash my hands after I go to the hospital?” He refuses to engage in even the most basic hygiene. He’ll touch a garbage can covered with maggots or a dead animal and won’t wash his hands before he opens the refrigerator. If a pandemic ever goes around, I’ll be doomed.

5.If he knows I want something, he’ll make sure it never happens. Ten years ago, we took a trip to Las Vegas. I looked out the window, taking in the beauty of the Las Vegas strip. I said, “I can’t wait to come back.” Mr. B growled ominously, “You’ll never come back here.” And he made sure that I never did!

6.Mr. B has always used sex as a weapon. If he suspected I wanted sex that night, he’d make sure I didn’t get it. One night, early on in our relationship, I was frustrated by his lack of sexual attention and I snapped, “Fine, I’m not in the mood anymore anyway.” Mr. B, always eager to screw with me, leaned over and gave me a very passionate kiss. He said, “I could get you in the mood.”  He continued engaging me in foreplay until I was back in the mood. Then he rolled over and said, “Good night,” without following up with sexual relations. He slept like a baby that night knowing I was upset and sexually frustrated. Finally, right after he talked me into purchasing an expensive truck, the sex stopped forever. It’s been almost 8 years since we’ve had sex. With my other relationships, sex was never an issue or a bargaining chip. Before I met Mr. B, I just assumed that all men wanted sex all of the time. I didn’t even know that there was such a thing as a sexless marriage. I had a rude awakening.

I could go on and on, but I’ve heard that blog posts shouldn’t be too long. I’d probably never stop writing if I tried to catalog all of Mr. B’s crimes against me.

A year of this behavior would be hellish enough; can you imagine dealing with this type of craziness every day for 20 years? I hope that someone reads this and can save themselves from a marriage of domestic abuse. Please don’t spend all of your good years living with a monster who enjoys making your life a living hell.